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Unless you can afford a personal chef or to eat takeout every night, someone in a household is going to need to prepare meals.
But aside from accommodating allergies or illness, what demands should the cook be willing to meet? A person found themself asking that question so they turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Redditor pdknto asked:
"AITA for refusing to cook my boyfriend and his kid non-vegan food?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"my boyfriend and i live together and he has a 6 year old from a previous relationship. he works until 6:30 every day so i typically make dinner, do all the grocery shopping etc..."
"i've been vegan my whole life so obviously cook vegan. his kid has no problem at all eating what i cook."
"they sometimes eat non vegan stuff (especially at their mums place) but due to their own decision completely avoids meat (which was influenced by me, they have said)."
"recently he's been asking me to buy stuff like cows milk and cows butter when i grocery shop. i was hesitant to and said no for a while but gave in which he's been having on toast and in his coffee etc..."
"then he started asking me if i can use cows milk and butter in things like mashed potatoes for dinner for him and his child. i straight out refused, said he's more than welcome to make his own mashed potato and whatever but i'm not making two meals when there's barely a difference in using dairy free milk and butter."
"now he's saying he's worried about his child eating vegan so much, thinks they need calcium etc. doc and nutritionist says child is fine."
"i told him, i'm fine buying him non vegan food for him to cook for himself and his child if they want that non vegan food but i'm not cooking non vegan food. i'm not comfortable doing that and am not making more versions of food than necessary."
"usually as soon as he's home he's starving and so we eat dinner straight away but he's arguing if he has to make his own dinner (which he's fine doing, just not straight after work) he will have to be starving making dinner yada yada yada and we can't all eat dinner together (because his child goes to bed at 7:30)."
"so aita?"
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
Redditors felt the OP did nothing wrong, but not everyone thought the boyfriend was wrong either.
"NAH. I did all the cooking for my family from the time I was 9. My rule was if you don't like what I'm making, you know where the kitchen is."
"I wasn't cooking 3-4 different meals."
"However, I did have sisters who at different times toyed with being vegetarian (still used things like honey). If I made spaghetti, it was zero extra effort to put some of the sauce in a bowl for them and add meat to the rest."
"How hard would it be to cook potatoes then make vegan mashed for yourself and leave some plain potatoes for him to add milk and butter to? And it would take him a couple minutes to make."
"I'm curious if the inability to use the shift key is a side effect of your vegan diet though." ~ LakotaGrl
"NAH. I can see both of your points, but I don't think he is asking for all that much. How much time/effort does it take to divide a batch of boiled potatoes into two bowls? (He can add what he likes)."
"I think with a little planning, you can compromise by modifying your meal prep so that everyone is happy. For example; 'Taco' salad for lunch?"
"He can add real cheese and sour cream to his. This is a manageable issue, especially since you aren't committed to specific dishes." ~ Normal_One8394
"NAH. You didn't mention your work so I assume you get home earlier than him. He gets home at 6.30."
"Even if he started cooking straight away his kid would be eating dinner just before bed. Not unreasonable for him to ask you make something he likes."
"It wouldn't be a big imposition at all. Just split the mash into two pots."
"I don't know enough about you to say you're an a**hole. You eat vegan. That's clear."
"Refusing to cook or eat non vegan indicates you treat it as a philosophy rather than a diet. But then it seems you only treat it that way when it suits [because of willingness to buy non vegan groceries]." ~ theseanbeag
"I'm 100% behind not making a vegan cook meat because they find it disgusting, but I'm stuck on the part where she said she refuses to make two different types of potatoes."
"I mean cmon scoop out some potatoes in an extra bowl for them so they can add their milk and butter."
"You're not making two versions of anything you're simply just leaving some off to the side..."
"I can't eat dairy so my family just always leaves a couple of scoops of potatoes in an extra bowl for me to add my dairy free butter. It's no extra effort at all."
"Gotta find some middle ground here." ~ ApparentlyAaron
Others did find fault with the boyfriend.
"NTA. Let's take the vegan part out; you've already stated the doctor thinks the kid is fine."
"'I don't wanna eat your cooking, can you cook twice?'"
"'No. If you want something else feel free to make it yourself'."
"This is a lesson that parents teach their children. You shouldn't have to teach it to your partner." ~ Hippocr1t
"NTA. If the doc and nutritionist are saying the kid is fine with the vegan diet, you get to cook what you want."
"If it were adversely effecting anyone, that would be one thing, but it's not."
"You have already compromised by buying the non-vegan food, if you don't feel comfortable cooking it, he should respect that." ~ Nikotheis
"NTA. What would he do if he didn't have you?
"If he's that worried about dairy, kid can can a glass of milk." ~ RO489
"NTA. They knew you were vegan when they got into a relationship with you. If they want non-vegan meals, they can prepare, cook and freeze them ahead of time and thaw and heat when they get home." ~ noseandtoes
The OP provided no update so it's unclear if they found a compromise like the ones suggested or if their boyfriend still can eat their completely vegan meals or cook their own food.